Many have their perceptions on marriage and how they feel and think it must be and also how they would conduct themselves in marriage. Which should not be the case. No wonder they end up creating more problems for themselves. For marriage is not an institution of man, but of God. And it is the oldest institution established by God. It wasn’t Adam that desired it or asked of it as some would make us to believe. It was God who saw his lonely estate and said it was not good for him to live alone, and He made him a help meet. The blueprint or plan for marriage was constructed by God and given to man to see how he would make it or conduct it. And no matter who you are whether a Christian or not, you are duty bound to have and conduct your marriage according to the blueprint of God, if you want to be at peace with God, in that case. This is because God is with an eagle eye watching marriage. He is not indifferent in your marriage, He is really concerned. And look, many shall go to hell just because of the way they handled their marriage. Sure!
Marriage is not for fun or fashion. No! It is not a thing to be joked with. Even the disciples when they understood it and saw what the blueprint says about it, feared. Those holy men feared it, how much more you and me. They found out it isn’t a thing to joke with. It is very difficult and dangerous, if one jokes with it. But it is a very pleasant thing and full of honor if you go the God’s provided way for it. You need not enter into it unadvised. You must know the rules of the game before you try to play it, else you shall be found wanting. Paul knowing these things and being persuaded that God mean whatever He says, refused to marry and wished others would have been like him in that case (1Cor7:1,6-9). But Jesus said it is not possible for others to live without marrying (Matt19:10-12)
The Bible way is that, “a man” may leave his father and mother and shall cleave himself to “his wife”, (not wives) and “the two”(not the 3or 4or 5) shall be “one flesh” (not one and half). So marriage is between a man and a woman, not women or man to a man. That is a perversion and an abomination before the Lord. And anyone that does that, is an enemy of God- Lev20:13. God is not in agreement with polygamy or polyandry. For God took only a rib from Adam and made a woman not women for him.
And he said “a man shall cleave himself to his wife”, singular, not wives. Note that carefully. (Gen2:24; 1Cor7:1). Polygamy was only introduced after the fall and permitted, till the first coming of Christ. When He was asked about the issue of marriage, He sent them back to the beginning and showed them the actual plan of the institution. And the Spirit in the Apostles taught us the same thing. Because God doesn’t change His mind on His word; for He is not a man (Num23:19). From the time of Christ until now, the law of polygamy was cancelled and no matter who you are that practice it; you are doomed. Because God permitted it just for sometime, till He had come to pay the penalty of the fall. So it was finished at Calvary with any other wrongful deed that were introduced after the fall, like divorce.
Take note, that it was God, who brought Eve in marriage to Adam. Hence, the woman you are going to marry must be given to you by someone who has the authority over her. The Parents and more specifically the Father of the woman, He must give the daughter’s hand in marriage to you, the man. That’s why in the marriage ceremony the father holds her hand and hands her over to the man. If your marriage wasn’t like that God doesn’t see it as marriage but fornication. If you are living with a woman that you haven’t pay her dowry to her parent, then you are a thief, as a man, that is living with a woman without the concern of the parents as in marriage. You must be given the right from the parent, then pay the dowry before you can go in to her. Else, you are a thief, and remember no thief can inherit the kingdom of God.
The Bible way is also that, the man is the head of the house, in marriage. The woman must be submissive to her husband. That chokes a woman somewhere. But that is the truth. And as the head, you must provide for and protect the house and love your wife, just as you would love yourself. You have no right to beat her, but to rebuke and advise her. Give her the training in-doors, not in public. Don’t disgrace her before others, for whatever your wife is, is you. For you are no longer two but one flesh. And as wife you don’t have to be disrespectful, but be submissive to your husband, as Sarah did – call him “my lord”, “my dear”, not by his name or say” brother or uncle, or Kwasi Papa”. He is not that to you, his wife, in that case. No! He is your lord. “For service to your husband is service to God”. You can’t say you love God and meanwhile be disrespectful to your husband. (Eph5:22-31; 1Pt3:1-7) Learn these four keys in marriage and put them to practice – Love, Respect, Understanding and Forgiveness. These hold like a cord or chain in marriage. And any marriage that has these is as sweet as honey. If Love the first and foremost thing is there you shall respect each other and if you respect each other you shall understand each other and when you understand each other then shall you forgive one another for every mistake that comes in the marriage journey. These things work like a miracle, if they are in your marriage and abound. They shall cushion your marriage with trust, faithfulness, honesty, compassion, sympathy and empathy. “Please I’m sorry”, “thank you”, “God bless you”. And by these your marriage shall be a blessing, indeed.
Now the last thing about marriage is divorce. God says “what I have joined together no man must put asunder” – Matt19:6. No man means any man. Whether a Pastor, a Judge, a Lawyer, Father, Mother, uncle, family head or whosoever. No man! Remember that. For God mean his words, which He has spoken – Isa55:8-11. And one thing that God hates so much is divorcement. Yes, sir! My friend, that is the truth. For He is the witness between you and your wife or husband – Mal2:10-17. Divorce is a profane and an abomination before God. He says He hates it, putting away, separation. The Pharisees asked Jesus “is it lawful for a man to put away his wife, for every cause or any reason?” Like to say, “my wife is disrespectful”, is every cause, or reason. The answer was a capital NO! For He referred them back to the blueprint. Then they asked Him again, “why did Moses command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?” then He answered them, “because of the hardness, stubbornness of your hearts” then He quickly added, “but from the beginning it was not so.” And HE is the same yesterday, today and forever. So if it wasn’t so from the beginning then it wouldn’t be so at the end. This shows it was just permitted along the line. And we are told why it was permitted. But that is not what the blueprint outlined at the beginning.
He says if you put her away and you go to marry another, you (the man) have committed adultery. And if any man marries that woman that is put away, he also commits adultery, in that case. If you put her away and you don’t marry, both of you, then you are safe, but if one marries or both of you, to different people, then you are all doomed. The man who divorces his wife and another man marries her causes her, the woman, to commit adultery. So the man caused it – Lk16:18; Mk10:11. He says the one who causes his fellow man to sin, woe unto him. – Matt18:7; Mk9:42; Lk17:1. See? Because you, the man, divorced your wife and she unable to stay alone, and married, look at the roll of people you are sending to Hell. The issue according to the Bible is that, if you divorce and you know you can’t stay alone, then be joined together again – 1Cor7:10,11.
There is only ONE Biblical ground for divorce, and that is fornication. I can hear you say hurray! But wait a minute. Jesus said “except it be for fornication”. And remember not adultery. Fornication and adultery are all wrongful sexual acts; but they are not the same. And the difference is clear-cut. Don’t be deceived or fooled. He said except for fornication and not adultery. The Bible tells us plain what fornication is and hence you are in trouble if you divorce your wife because of adultery. Jesus didn’t tell you to do that. Read Deut22:13-21. You see what fornication is now? “Having sexual intercourse with someone that one is not married to”. This was what Jesus was talking about. That instead of staying chaste, virgin, until you’re married before having sex – simply because sex belongs to only married couples, and for the purpose of reproduction and not for the pleasure of it; if you do that while you are not married, then you are a whore or a fornicator or a prostitute. And if any man marries you and he finds out that you are not a virgin, and then you are fired. It’s a shame. No wonder the Bible commands us to flee fornication (1Cor6:13-18, 1Thess4:3-8). And Paul said because of fornication, “every man should get his own wife and every woman her own husband” – 1Cor7:1-2. See? So when you are married and you have sex with another person who you are not married to is not fornication, but adultery. And that is not grounds for divorcement.
Yes, sir! Adultery under the Hebrew law is the crime of unchastely, or sexual immorality, wherein a man, married or single, has illicit or illegal intercourse with a married or betrothed woman who is not his wife. And the punishments for such a person was burning or stoning – Gen38:24, Deut22:22-24.
So people who fornicate or have sex before marriage are not even fit for marriage. It’s a bad name, that’s why the Bible says it should not even be named among us as Christians or believers – 1Cor 10:8, Eph5:3-7. Adultery is not a good thing though, but that is not the basis for divorcement – Exo20:4. It is not the same as or a synonym for fornication. One is sex between people who are not married at all, so sex before or outside of a marriage covenant. Then the other is sex between a married person and someone who is not married or who that person is not married to – Lev20:10. You are doomed if you have divorce your wife based upon adultery. Because the blueprint didn’t say so. It’s says except it be for fornication. Fornication and adultery can’t be used interchangeably, No! You can’t call one who is not married and have sex with another person who is also not married, an adultery or an adulteress. No! neither can you call sex between a married person and a person not married fornication. No! 1Cor6:9,10. See that they are all different? Yes.
A woman has only one chance and that is only when the husband dies before she can marry another man. But while her husband lives if she marries unto another man she shall be called an adulteress. – Rom7:1-3, 1Cor7:39,40. And remember this also that your marriage bed is your body. Hence, don’t fornicate or commit adultery with it. Be pure! In all this case, that is, whether you are married or not – Hebrew13:4. God bless you. Amen
